Map, Journey and Costs

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From	To	Mode	Duration	Cost
🇱🇦 Muang Khau	🇻🇳 Dien Bien Phu	Coach	04:40	£24.74
🇻🇳 Dien Bien Phu	🇻🇳 Sapa	Minibus	10:00	£18.97
🇻🇳 Sapa	🇻🇳 Ha Giang	Coach	08:00	£29.90

What a treat. 30 days in Vietnam - the max possible without re-entrance. Here’s what we got up to.

Our route out of Laos was a reflection of the entrance: a stint on a longboat followed by a border crossing by bus.

Our departure from Nong Khiaw was unexpectedly haphazard. Having scouted a few days before, we arrived at the pier to buy a ticket for the slow boat to Muang Khua.

We got the tickets with a couple of minutes so spare, so Laura tasked me with grabbing a couple of croissants and some snacks whilst she took the bags to the boat.

My beady eye caught sight of some baguettes. As I was unsure whether there would be any lunch stops, I decided that not all heroes wear capes and also ordered a couple of cheese baguettes - with an added instruction that we need it fast as our boat leaves in 10 minutes.

I’d hoped for some cheese slices to be crudely thrust into a baguette, with a slap of butter if he felt he had time. Standards wouldn’t let such a monstrosity leave his kitchen however.

When he started melting the cheese with a hairdryer I kindly reminded him that we were in a bit of a rush. He then shouted through the window and softly reassured “don’t worry, the boat will wait for you”.

Sandwich preparation has never caused so much anxiety. Minutes after the boat’s scheduled departure I was dwelling on how long a captain would delay his day for the sake of somebody else’s sandwich.

Eyes pierced as I entered the boat, meekly whispering apologies and scurrying towards raised-eyebrow Laura. They were cracking baguettes though.

Sidenote: It then turned out that I needn’t have worried, as the boat then round robbin’ed between the sides of the river for 40 minutes looking for a mislaid Dutch guy. Transport works differently in Laos.

The rest of the boat journey was nice and chilled, and we had a good chat with a German couple sat in-front of us. On arrival, we found a hostel, grabbed our last Beerlaos and turned in early ahead of another long travel day.

We were entering Vietnam via. a public bus from Muang Khua to Dien Bien Phu. Typical of travel in Laos, key information was scant and contradictory.

We took a punt on what we thought the ticket would cost, as we heard that the Laotian currency (Kip) is effectively worthless outside of Laos and can’t be exchanged. We drastically underestimated, but luckily for us a fellow traveller had a wad of Kip and was happy to be our bureau de change.

We were conservative about our arrival time at the bus-stop however, and it lead to poor Laura having to deal with a lot of unwanted attention.

Whilst waiting for the bus, a group of people dismounted their motorbikes and began paparazzing Laura. They were obsessed with how pale she was (particularly her ankles), kept grabbing her for photos and asking when we were getting married.

It started as mildly amusing, got a bit odd, then annoying. Luckily the bus arrived shortly after, so we dived on to hide. It made us realise that:

• In rural areas it is going to be common for people to get obsessed with our pastiness
  • It does suck when personal space is invaded, but there’s no right to it
  • We’re very privileged to be travelling, many in those areas don’t have the opportunity to do so - and are relatively rarely presented with blanched beings
• At least I no longer have a beard. We later made friends with a guy who has a mashoosive beard, he said he’s had to cut trips short in the past due to the level of beard interference

We arrived into Dien Bien Phu late morning, and originally planned to spend a night there ahead of a bus to Sapa.

Upon arrival we were told a Sapa connection is leaving immediately, so we made a spur of the moment decision to get the transfer done in one fell (16 hour) swoop.

We assumed it would be a minibus mooch barely worthy of note, but it escalated into quite something.

Shortly into the journey we pulled adjacent to a horsebox full to the brim with vegetables. A three man team then crammed a ’neep into every nook, and a carrot into every cranny of the minibus.

What started as surreal and amusing then led us to get a bit concerned about the vehicle’s aerodynamic situation. We were sat at the back, in front of a wall of unsecured veg. Did we really want sudden braking to cause us to be the protein in the stew?

And surely the bus is top heavy enough with the amount of sweetcorn on the roof, without also adding a motorbike?

We resigned that they do this every day, but were glad when they unloaded.

First stop was Sapa. It’s in the Northern hills of Vietnam, next to the highest peak in the country (Fansipan) and a few villages that farm some stunning paddy fields.

Sapa did not appear as we expected, with neon signs and lots of hustle/bustle. It seemed that whilst the surrounding villages are still very rural and undeveloped, the town itself has done relatively well from a steady tourist influx.

We’d been spoilt by the weather up until this point in the trip - a sub-29°C day was rare. We were met with conditions in Sapa that could only be described as Mancunian. 5°C, blustery and grey. Urgh.

Whilst being super-cheap (£18 for 3 nights) and otherwise brilliant, our accommodation did little to hide these conditions with some parts being fully exposed to the elements. We were sleeping in down jackets, with the heat of our breath turning us into cold and moany dragons. What an adjustment!

The highlight of our Sapa adventure was a hike to the villages of Lao Chải and Tả Van, where Vietnamese ethnic minorities reside.

They’re very poor villages. A chunk of income comes from facilitating visits from tourists.

We booked onto a tour, and were met by our guide one morning outside our hotel. After a short walk through Sapa town, we picked up another tourist and descended into the fields that led to the villages.

It began to get very muddy and a bit slippery down the hills. It didn’t present much of an issue for myself nor Laura - being used to English weather and donning some decent hiking books. Our fellow tourist, Aussie Daniel, was in a right bind however. Equipped only with light trainers he was liable to skid all 10 kilometers.

At this point a gang of villagers swooped in, and began to assist. We were aware from research that this is a “thing”: villagers will guide you through the mud, and at the end you have to do some shopping with them (buy some of their fabric goods).

It was a tricky one to fathom for me. Myself nor Laura didn’t need any help in addition to the guide we’d already paid (quite a fair whack!) for, and I personally felt that for us they provided more obstacles than assistance and didn’t always head for the simplest paths through the mud.

It’s how they get by though, and whilst we didn’t need the help, Daniel most certainly did. He had a full escort team pulling him down the mud - sometimes in opposing directions!

They added a lot to the experience. They made us some souvenirs:

And showed us how to dye our hands indigo with a plant (it took a couple of days to wash out!):

There were some incredible rice paddy scenes:

We did some shopping to pay our additional guides, and had lunch in the village.

Lunch in the village was quite hard. Streams of children approached our table, pleading with us to do more shopping with them. We felt really sorry for them, and it was very hard to know what to do. We’d just spent £18 on shopping that we didn’t really want, and were aware of the advice to not buy from children as it incentivises using them to sell goods rather than sending them to school :person_shrugging:. It made inequality and privilege stark.

Fansipan is the highest mountain in Vietnam, and a funicular/cable car system makes for easy access to the summit. The weather was decidedly Mancunian, so it was literally up in the air whether there would be a view from the top.

As it cost a fair whack (£33 per person) I decided to leave Laura to visit solo whilst I hit a coffee shop.

The gamble paid off and she got some amazing views:

Another “thing” in north Vietnam is egg coffee. Word on the street is that during the war access to milk was sparse due to rationing.

Enterprising individuals used beaten egg as substitute, and it’s still popular to this day (although probably mainly with tourists).

When you sup you first taste a thick layer of meringuey goo, before hitting the coffee. We’ve both tried a few, and Laura is quite a fan. I think it’s a bit weird and will probably just stick with an Americano for the rest of Vietnam.

The Ha Giang loop is a spectacular 350km mountainous roadway. It’s very much a touristy endeavour to rent motorbikes and do a 3 day tour around the loop.

Our Mums will be very pleased to read that we’re way too wimpy to do that, so instead hired a dude called Kevin to drive us in a nice comfy car.

Kevin picked us up from the hotel, and we were very happy that our two fears were unfounded. He wasn’t a maniac driver, and he wasn’t awkward.

We spent the day cruising to Dong Van, and he stopped a lot for us to get some nice misty mountain shots.

At lunch we stopped for a short hike through a village. There were some cool surroundings:

We saw a clay house that made us feel better about our plaster cracks:

And stopped off for some green tea at an elderly couple’s house. When we arrived the man was making his own coffin and a bong:

They were as happy as larry, and seemed very healthy. Kevin said it’s a “thing” to make your own coffin when you get old. Unsure at what age this kicks in, or if a family member prompts it :thinking_face:

We arrived at the hotel in Dong Van and noticed that no water was running. We asked at reception, and the guy got his phone out to use Google translate. He showed us the sentence “I am dehydrated, please wait 20 minutes”. Laura then understood why she’s not allowed to use Google translate on the wards.

We met Kevin for dinner, and he took us to a local restaurant to have a hot pot. We really appreciated it, as there’s no way we would be brave enough to order it by ourselves.

We were presented with a huge plate of raw ingredients and a camping stove. Kevin took charge, adding things to the broth for the appropriate amount of time and then decanting into our bowls.

It’s one of the most intense meals we’ve ever had. Kevin was a one man production line of food, as soon as we’d finished eating something he’d throw something else into our bowls. There was a large backlog of ingredients, and he said we’re not leaving anything.

Laura comes into her own in these situations, and is an extremely capable food hoover. By the end even she was flagging, Kevin relented and allowed a little bit of cabbage to go to waste.

The drinking was almost as relentless as the food. Happy water is very big around North Vietnam. We were sure to check the ingredients with Kevin as we knew that happy water in Laos contains several Class A drugs - he said that it’s just rice wine in these parts.

Sidenote: he did reveal that it’s often distilled with the help of a dead snake or bird, but we chose not to hear that. Later on the trip he showed us some being brewed:

He taught us the chant locals bellow before each shot, and 7 rounds were incorporated into the force feeding session. He then left us to it, and we merrily trotted out for a cocktail before calling it a night.

Kevin took us out for a traditional breakfast the following morning. Again, we really appreciated it as we wouldn’t have known what to order nor how to eat it.

It was very tasty. Part broth with some veg, ground meat and sausages. Part rice roll, some rolls contained eggs and others mushrooms. It was very filling and great to try!

We continued on from Dong Van, with regular coffee stop offs:

And lots of photo opportunities:

Kevin was really into indulging in a bong at each stop 😂:

We had a weird stop off at the former palace of a H’mong tribe (a Vietnamese ethnic minority) king Vuong Chinh Duc . He was a drug barron, dealing in opium, and used the palace mainly to organise trades.

It was a cool place to walk around. There is a shrine where people offer him cash and bananas :thinking_face::

We arrived at a homestay in Du Gia village. In a homestay you typically have dinner and then sleep at a family home - this was a bit of a stretch of the concept, and much more hostel like. Around 20 guests were staying that night, mostly random bikers completing the loop with an easy rider.

It was really good, the views from the room and dining area were incredible:

They made a huge and delicious dinner:

And we drank lots of happy water:

We spent a lot of time talking to a fun couple from Utah who were doing the loop independently. We kept in contact and were able to meet up again later in the trip :smiling_face_with_smiling_eyes:

The final day of the loop was somewhat uneventful. Views were minimal as it was very overcast, it all went a bit Mancunian.

We stopped off at a place where they make fabric products from hemp. I tried to help out in the pressing process:

That’s barely a dint in Vietnam. The strategy is to work our way down south by land, our visas expire on the 25th. We have to be in Ho Chi Minh city by then for a flight to Hong Kong.